Body distortion?
Hey, Blooms here,
As I scrolled through YouTube, a random video of a runner Tim Tollefson came up.
At first I thought it was a video about his running, some Sunday night reading and inspiration.
Then I realised It was like he was talking about me as he described himself.
He talked about how he was bullied from a young age, and finally some relief when he got into running. He described that as a runner, he just wanted to be tall and skinny like the other runners, and was never good enough.
He talked about body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), and OCD and how it crippled him in situations where the head belittles, that constant unworthiness, .. needing to look a certain way as a certain type of person. Not able to feel like a runner, because he didn’t think he looked like a runner.
I completely got it. I get it. Im not sure if I have BDD, but I’m definitely one that has never been happy with my body. I feel and look fat despite being told differently. I was bullied from a young age and I came to believe that those words were true: Not good enough, too fat, uncoordinated.
I don’t want to go into a lot of detail here because I feel shame and I’m not ready to fully talk it through, it was just a burning issue in my head since watching this YouTube of Tim last night.
All I do know that therapy all those years helped with dealing with huge stuff similar to this.
In therapy there was a real focus on my 10 year old self, and that was hard because I hated her. Then, over a 4 year period, I came to love her little instead.
BDD is huge, it explains a lot. I am going to add some info on the health information page for my Generation X crew, where somewhere, somehow, someone may feel just the same.
Some real wins for me:
Therapy is worth it
Being outdoors is so good for the soul
Having a mentor and / or coach is like having my own cheerleader for 4 years was a life changer.
Take care x
Body Dysmorphia is a mental health illness that requires diagnosis.
Check out my health information page for some useful links.